Gospel-Powered Parenting : Five Assumptions

Posted by Shannon
This summer, we're reading Gospel-Powered Parenting by William Farley.

"George Barna notes that approximately seventy-five thousand books have been published on parenting in the last ten years. So why a new book on parenting? The short answer is simple: Christian parenting is in disarray."

That is the opening by William Farley. He goes on to say, "I am convinced that the gospel is sufficient to answer all our parenting questions." I will admit that about two years ago I would have been a little confused with that statement. It "sounds" good, but what does it really mean?? I mean, I've grown up in a Southern Baptist church my whole life...the word "gospel" has been mentioned more times than I can count. However....and this is a big however...I don't think I ever fully understood what that meant for me in each area of my life. Through prayer for wisdom, reading God's Word, several resources and caring people, God has given me a deeper understanding of the gospel and I know that I have so much more to understand, but I am so thankful for His grace in my life as He guides me through this season of my life. So, if you too, are wondering exactly what the "gospel" has to do with your parenting or even your marriage for that matter, hang on and read on, because this understanding will surely change you life...it has certainly changed mine and I give God all the glory and honor for revealing His Word to me.

So...let's begin with the first chapter of the book: Intellectual Submarines.  Five Assumptions that you will need in order to internalize the rest of this book:

1. Parenting Is Not Easy

Did any of us women actually think it was?? :0) But, we often try to be the "perfect parent." Guess what?  There are none...shew...that was a relief! And, here is a bonus for that thought: "If you could parent perfectly, your children might not need a Savior." Farley goes on to say, "Because parenting is difficult and because you are imperfect, you will need the grace that comes to you through the gospel. God will use these problems to deepen your dependence on him. You will experience stress and obstacles. They will happen so that when your child comes to saving faith, your boasting will be in Christ, not your own best efforts. Like Paul, you will say, 'I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.' 1 Cor. 15:10"

2. God Is Sovereign, But He Uses Means 

First, God is sovereign over your child's salvation: "No one knows the Father except the Son and anyone to whom the Son chooses to reveal him" Matt. 11:27. Second, God uses the normal means of grace to draw our children to himself. Parents are the "means" that God wants to use to reach our children. In other words, we are utterly dependent and responsible at the same time.

3. A Good Offense 

Effective parents assume that a good offense is better than defense. Now, this one took me a while to work through. We have made very purposeful choices recently to "protect" our children from influences that they are not wise enough to handle on their own. But what this section is saying is that you have to do more than just "protect" them....you have to go after their hearts. Regardless of the choices or the environments that your children are open to, you have to consistently be looking at their hearts and looking for the fruit of God's Word in their lives. We have to address their sin with the idea that it is just that...sin. It is okay to say the word "sin." It is okay to admit that you sin. It is okay to tell your children that their disobedience is sin. You do know that it is...right? So, we change their hearts by teaching the gospel, modeling the gospel, and centering our homes on the gospel. I loved this statement in the book by Thomas Chalmers, a Scotch Presbyterian, "The best way to overcome the world is not with the morality or self discipline. Christians overcome the world by seeing the beauty and excellence of Christ. They overcome the world by seeing something more attractive than the world: Christ, "in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. Col 2:3" That is what I want...for my children to see Christ as more attractive and beautiful than anything this world has to offer...because He soooo is!!!

4. Understand New Birth

A survey was done on three thousand American teens about their religious beliefs and the authors summed them up with this phrase Moralistic Therapeutic Deism. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian....as the old saying goes, your child can sleep in the garage for a month, but that won't make him a car! I feel like we need an entire separate post for this topic and so I will be brief. Here is what Farley calls the bottom line: New birth is known by its fruits, not by a decision. The most important fruit is hunger for God himself. I would say this is something that every Christian should look at. Analyze your own life. Do you hunger for God? Is there fruit that would demonstrate a true transformation? This is not a judgmental question....it is a soul-saving question. 

5. Child-centered Families

Effective parents are not child centered. That seems like an odd statement, huh? Well, this section basically talks about the fact that God should be the center of your focus, your marriage the second and your children the third. Any other order is not God-honoring. When we put our children and events in front of our commitment to God, we are compromising God's intent for us. Farley says, "Compromising always points to idolatry. It displeases God. He does not like competitors, especially when they are our children." Ouch! It then goes on to talk about the importance of the father, the natural family's head of the house. This is also where our conversation diverged to our roles as a wife and mother. We had several admissions of needing to honor their spouses more...one of which came from me. It is sometimes difficult to place your husband first when you are with your children so much more. We talked about the importance of "date night," "mommy/daddy talks" at the table or couch without interruption from the children. We discussed how important it is for children to see that relationship between their mother and father....a solid, loving, caring relationship. God tells us we must honor and respect our husbands. This topic also will need its own post!! :0)

Well, that wraps up the first week! Yes, that was just the first week! We had wonderful discussions and it is so nice to be surrounded by other women who also desire to be used by God in their families. What a blessing! It is also wonderful to know we are not alone in the struggle of being the wife and mother that God is calling us to be. We shared our sins of anger, pride, self-righteousness, disrespectful times against our husbands....and so much more!....again, another post :0) Please feel free to ask questions or add comments. I am so excited about this time together! I am praying God will bless our efforts to grow to be more like Him!